Us vs. Them – Newsletter 1-10

MyEthics.net Newsletter 1-10, 10/9/25

There are more differences between individuals than there are between groups, and there are more similarities among all people than there are differences. We are each unique, are we are all in this together.

And there’s no such thing as “pure evil.” No group or person is always right or always wrong. Never ever.

Instead, each of us constantly makes choices based on gut feeling, limited information, and self-preservation, all while guessing at a murky future.

So how can we be so sure, any of us ever, that “we” are right and “they” are wrong?

Extreme ideological behavior and political violence put our social contract at risk, like the driver weaving through rush hour at 90 MPH. 

We need to stop endangering and figure out how to get along with each other: Earth grows smaller daily.

In conflict, we each have the capacity to label, dehumanize, and vilify one another. Political leaders routinely scorn people and groups as “subhuman” when it serves their objectives. Labels are applied and sides are chosen: oppressed vs oppressor, rich vs poor, us vs. them…

What can we do to stop vilifying other people and groups? What deeply shared values unite all of us?

Commentator David Brooks points out that the United States has been through cycles of “rupture & repair” and that each time, creative people have found solutions and rebuilt. He says that we are in a period of rupture now. Our social contract is frayed.

Neither the US nor the planet can afford to waste more resources on hate and violent conflict. It’s hard enough just to grow vegetables.

Here are some suggestions generated by the Ethics Roundtable on  Oct 8,:

1. Create your own statement of core values
2. Explore and talk about your own dreams for a civilized future – step out of despair
3. Identify shared values in conversation; focus on commonality, actively accept differences of opinion
4. Develop a network of people working to bridge divides and find common ground
5. Work to restore the political center. Using “difficult conversation” tools & techniques, seek to understand other viewpoints
6. Explore some of the many groups working on a civilized future, like:
   • New Hampshire Listens at the Carsey School of Public Policy, UNH
   • The thousands of organizations mapped out at the National Civic League
   • The Civics 101 Podcast on NPR

This is not about everyone being friends, some idealist utopia, or changing minds en masse. And a lot of people just don’t like each other — that’s reality.

Instead, start by looking for the humanity in others — their complex, subjective experience. People are never objects.

Each of us has the capacity to rupture or repair. In difficult situations, we can be kind or cruel, collaborative or combative, each with predictable consequences. I’m hopeful that humanity can “repair” this period of social and political rupture by thinking about what kind of a world we’d like to see in 10 or 20 years, and the core values that will have gotten us there.